And that is why I’m a fan girl. That’s how you throw down in a video.
The VMAs are coming up and so the pop queens of the world (and their PR companies) are dropping things left, right and centre. Let’s do a dive.
I’m alone Brandon every night. And all these people will leave. Right? They will leave. And then I’ll be alone. And I go from everyone touching me all day, talking at me all day, to total silence.
Lady Gaga is set to release her new Netflix tour documentary and it looks to be in the vein of KP’s Part of Me, where they rip the bandaid open on how emotional draining it is to be a popstar.
It’s not hard to see why fame and adulation would go straight to your head. Imagine thousands of people chanting your name every night, making you feeling loved like a queen and then going online (or to a bar) to find people don’t like the way your face looks, or what you wore or who you’re dating. The highs and lows must be tremendous. Unless you’re incredibly well-balanced and/or you have an excellent support group, I can see why that could do things to you.
Lady Gaga to her credit, has always been incredibly upfront about her sexual assault, PTSD, eating disorders and depression. She seems to be the most emotionally fragile of all the pop stars. Especially after this, I want to give her several hugs and share a cheesecake with her.
Speaking of Ms Perry, what in the world is this?
For whatever her faults, Katy nearly always gives us interesting music videos. (I have a special fondness for Roar) but between this, Bon Appetit and Chained to the Rhythm, Katy needs a new clip director. This is Space Jam with Katy Perry. It’s not a compliment. It’s actively terrible. I actually sort of like Swish Swish as a song, but if you’re going to release a video clip, the day before Tay releases her new single. You come at the queen, you best not miss.
Wow. This took me a few listens and I still don’t know where I am with this. The beat is amazing and those lyrics are killer “Honey, I rose up from the dead. I do it all the time.” but that chorus is …flat? I had an expectation that it would spiral upwards to reflect rage. Apparently, it’s sampling “I’m too sexy” which is an exceptionally odd choice of song (and to be honest, I’m too sexy is not even a very good song to begin with.)
Some of it is, is adjusting to new Taylor (who is alive, she asserts) and is an entirely different thing to cookie-baking, cat-loving, country-singing Taylor. Look at the evolution from Mean to Shake it off to Look what you made me do – she’s Cersei-ing out right in front of our eyes. If you think about it, it’s quite sad that she no longer feels like sweet Taylor. I’m still on the fence as to whether the song is empowering or not. It might take me a few more listens.
CARLY RAE JEPSEN:
EW (and I) are adamant that is the song of summer (Sorry Despacito, go away). If you haven’t heard it yet, don’t deny your soul the lift. Do it. It’s the best.
What do you think? How’s your pop culture day going?
Whatever you want to say about TSwift, her timing is impeccable. She releases news of a new single (tomorrow), a new album (November) and the cover of said album in one solid hit, She must have some clairvoyants on staff because she never drops anything on a day when you’re distracted by Game of Thrones, eclipses or Beyonce’s new album.
So here it is, it’s called Reputation. I personally am not love in with this cover, it’s a showcase for her new look, however I can see why she’s gone the way she has. This is TS going full Blank Space on Kimye, on Katy and Tom H, maybe even Calvin. She’s suiting up and going into battle, it thematically makes more sense than going the tried-and-true-patented album covers of before. Particularly with Red and 1989, TS is photographed with her face half in shade, not facing the camera. On Reputation, she’s staring you down to tell you to back the hell up. If you can’t beat the snake label, own it.
I want to thank Judge William J. Martinez and the jury for their careful consideration, my attorneys Doug Baldridge, Danielle Foley, Jay Schaudies, and Katie Wright for fighting for me and anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault, and especially anyone who offered their support throughout this four-year ordeal and two-year long trial process.
I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this. My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organisations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.
Our girl T has unanimously won the lawsuit against David Mueller, accused of groping her up the skirt in a meet-and-greet in Denver. He sued her first for reputational damage and she countersued for sexual assault. The judge dismissed his suit, ruling it as a lawful firing and then the decision came down from the jury that Mueller had in fact, assaulted her during their meeting.
So Tay was awarded her symbolic dollar that she requested and sometimes things go right in the world. What I’m most taken with is her composure through this entire thing, I mean obviously she has the benefit of expert legal teams and coaching, but not once did she back down from shitty, misogynistic questions such as:
- Do you feel bad that he was fired?
- Why is your skirt not displaced?
- If you were so upset, why didn’t you take a break?
- Why didn’t your bodyguard rescue you, if you were in distress?
“I am not going to allow your client to make me feel like it is any way my fault, because it isn’t.”
That’s my girl. And maybe that will learn handsy jerks to keep their extremities to themselves.
4th of July is Taylor’s holiday. Every year on the 4th of July, gossip columnists from all over the world sit in front of the computer, refreshing T.S’ Instagram feed to get the first pics of Tay, Karlie and Cara in American flag bikinis, sliding down water slides. I know that sounds absurd, but this is how they do in 2017.
This year, you could almost hear the sad clown noise reverberating around the world as nothing happened. Whomp whomp. The fans and the paparazzi sat outside her place in Rhode Island, they could see the slide go up (it’s a big slide) and then silence.
Most of the squad seem to be overseas or not around, regardless. There are several possibilities for its absence in our lives this year – one is that the slide went up as a middle finger to the paps to make them wait around and waste their holiday (that’s my Tay), the second is that there was a party, it was cancelled and Tay is wandering around the place like Miss Havisham with a plate of cookies, the third is that it’s all an elaborate set-up and everyone is secretly having #Taymerica in a bunker in Louisiana.
Maybe no-one’s in a celebrating mood right now, with the exception of Debra Messing. Debra Messing will still celebrate with you!
So no-one has seen our girl Tay for months, and there will be people (celebrity gossip columnists mostly) who are hanging out to see whether she returns to Instagram for the 4th of July’s annual #Taymerica.
Well she’s back. Briefly. To give praise to Russell Westbrook for winning NBA MVP this year.
— OKC THUNDER (@okcthunder) June 27, 2017
Have you watched it? Do you have as many questions as I have?
Why choose Tay to give congrats? Why not choose someone who has a closer relationship to basketball? Isn’t Jay-Z around? He’s pimping 4:44! He’s ready and willing.
Isn’t there someone from Oklahoma they could have asked?
Why not choose someone who actually has a relationship with Russell Westbrook instead of having Tay pretend that they do as a punchline?
I don’t understand any of this. It’s b-bonkers. I’m glad she’s back but why here and why through this medium? I’m reading the tea leaves and coming up empty.
Oh right, Katy Perry and Calvin Harris dropped their new song. That makes sense. Carry on.
Call off the FBI search, they’ve found my girl Tay alive!
She’s been gone for four months from social (there are people out there who are counting) and everyday it’s a new explanation as to where she is:
- Working on her new album
- Recovering from surgery
- Chillaxing in some suitcases
It has been confirmed by some iffy sources (The Sun, so please take it with some salt) that she has been hiding out in wigs and scarves with her new boyfriend Jim Alwyn in London. Jim is an upcoming actor (she really likes those English boys after Harry Styles set a precedent), and the thing that is most confounding everyone in the American press is that he still lives at home with his parents. I can only say in his defense, that every 26 year old in Australia wants to live at home with their parents because there is no affordable housing here at all. So you do you Jim.
This iffy source also says she’s a bit bummed that it got out. She’s probably also right to be a bit worried about how this will be seen; in a 24 hour news cycle, dating a female pop star more successful than you apparently renders you into a spineless handbag (see: the evolution of Tom Hiddleston’s image) Dating is hard enough without negative portrayals in the media added on top. If he’s well-adjusted, he might not mind so much. If he’s not, he might be saying laters right about now.