Taylor Swift wins her sexual-assault lawsuit

Taylor Swift Sexual Assault Case

I want to thank Judge William J. Martinez and the jury for their careful consideration, my attorneys Doug Baldridge, Danielle Foley, Jay Schaudies, and Katie Wright for fighting for me and anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault, and especially anyone who offered their support throughout this four-year ordeal and two-year long trial process.

I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this. My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organisations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.

Our girl T has unanimously won the lawsuit against David Mueller, accused of groping her up the skirt in a meet-and-greet in Denver. He sued her first for reputational damage and she countersued for sexual assault. The judge dismissed his suit, ruling it as a lawful firing and then the decision came down from the jury that Mueller had in fact, assaulted her during their meeting.

So Tay was awarded her symbolic dollar that she requested and sometimes things go right in the world. What I’m most taken with is her composure through this entire thing, I mean obviously she has the benefit of expert legal teams and coaching, but not once did she back down from shitty,  misogynistic questions such as:

  • Do you feel bad that he was fired?
  • Why is your skirt not displaced?
  • If you were so upset, why didn’t you take a break?
  • Why didn’t your bodyguard rescue you, if you were in distress?

“I am not going to allow your client to make me feel like it is any way my fault, because it isn’t.”

That’s my girl. And maybe that will learn handsy jerks to keep their extremities to themselves.

What happened to #Taymerica?

4th of July is Taylor’s holiday. Every year on the 4th of July, gossip columnists from all over the world sit in front of the computer, refreshing T.S’ Instagram feed to get the first pics of Tay, Karlie and Cara in American flag bikinis, sliding down water slides. I know that sounds absurd, but this is how they do in 2017.


This year, you could almost hear the sad clown noise reverberating around the world as nothing happened. Whomp whomp. The fans and the paparazzi sat outside her place in Rhode Island, they could see the slide go up (it’s a big slide) and then silence.

Rhode Island Slide

Most of the squad seem to be overseas or not around, regardless. There are several possibilities for its absence in our lives this year – one is that the slide went up as a middle finger to the paps to make them wait around and waste their holiday (that’s my Tay), the second is that there was a party, it was cancelled and Tay is wandering around the place like Miss Havisham with a plate of cookies, the third is that it’s all an elaborate set-up and everyone is secretly having #Taymerica in a bunker in Louisiana.

Maybe no-one’s in a celebrating mood right now, with the exception of Debra Messing. Debra Messing will still celebrate with you!

Deba Messing Instagram 4th July

Taylor Swift’s PR game: slightly rusty

So no-one has seen our girl Tay for months, and there will be people (celebrity gossip columnists mostly) who are hanging out to see whether she returns to Instagram for the 4th of July’s annual #Taymerica.

Well she’s back. Briefly. To give praise to Russell Westbrook for winning NBA MVP this year.

Have you watched it? Do you have as many questions as I have?

Why choose Tay to give congrats? Why not choose someone who has a closer relationship to basketball? Isn’t Jay-Z around? He’s pimping 4:44! He’s ready and willing.
Isn’t there someone from Oklahoma they could have asked?

Why not choose someone who actually has a relationship with Russell Westbrook instead of having Tay pretend that they do as a punchline?

I don’t understand any of this. It’s b-bonkers. I’m glad she’s back but why here and why through this medium? I’m reading the tea leaves and coming up empty.


Oh right, Katy Perry and Calvin Harris dropped their new song. That makes sense. Carry on.

Taylor Swift and her new BF Jim Alwyn

Call off the FBI search, they’ve found my girl Tay alive!

Taylor Swift Jim Alwyn

She’s been gone for four months from social (there are people out there who are counting) and everyday it’s a new explanation as to where she is:

It has been confirmed by some iffy sources (The Sun, so please take it with some salt) that she has been hiding out in wigs and scarves with her new boyfriend Jim Alwyn in London. Jim is an upcoming actor (she really likes those English boys after Harry Styles set a precedent), and the thing that is most confounding everyone in the American press is that he still lives at home with his parents. I can only say in his defense, that every 26 year old in Australia wants to live at home with their parents because there is no affordable housing here at all. So you do you Jim.

This iffy source also says she’s a bit bummed that it got out. She’s probably also right to be a bit worried about how this will be seen; in a 24 hour news cycle, dating a female pop star more successful than you apparently renders you into a spineless handbag (see: the evolution of Tom Hiddleston’s image) Dating is hard enough without negative portrayals in the media added on top. If he’s well-adjusted, he might not mind so much. If he’s not, he might be saying laters right about now.

Where has Taylor Swift been? 

According to her sources, she’s been in Nashville working on her new album. According to the paps, she in Nashville recovering from breast augmentation.

And according to Perez Hilton, she’s in New York being ferreted around in this box. We have reached peak insanity of speculation. While we all miss Tay, do we all so badly want her back that we fantasise that she’s sneaking around in a box? Come on, she couldn’t even fit in there!

Thinking about plastic surgery and living the skin you’re in

A very long time ago when Perez Hilton was still a thing, I recall coming across a story about my girl Tay and how it was obvious that she’d taken a break to get bolt-ons -his term, not mine. The entire thing, I’m not going to link to it, read like an exercise in body shaming and made me feel slightly queasy (just like reading any of Perez’s articles really)


To put my finger on why it bothered me so, and that I’m still thinking about umpteen years later Continue reading