Dynasty Review: Episode 1 – We honestly didn’t need this show

I wasn’t particularly excited in the first place to hear that there was going to be a Dynasty reboot. Do we really need another soap about good-looking 1%ers plotting against each other? I’m pretty sure that Revenge didn’t end that long ago either.

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The Good Place: Everything that Tahani wears in Season 1

I loved The Good Place. If you haven’t seen it, I advise you to drop my blog now and go binge watch it like I did. In short, Eleanor (Kristen Bell) dies and goes to the afterlife called The Good Place, a surreal paradise where everyone is good and noble.. and Eleanor is not. Don’t google it, because you’re likely to run into spoilers, go into it blind.

But do you know what surprised me most about this show? (other than everything in the plot) It’s the clothing. They’re very fashion forward in heaven, you apparently have access to all the Ted Baker-knock offs you could ever desire. In particular, one person clearly stands out: Tahani Al-Jamil played by Jameela Jamil. Jameela is built like a goddess (no pun intended) and she’s 1.8m tall so the stylists have her fitted out in statuesque bodycon dresses, which most of us mere mortals cannot do.

Let’s follow dive deep. Dresses, dresses everywhere.

Episode 1

Episode 1 - Tahani Pink Dress

We’re introduced to Tahani and her soulmate JianYu. This is where Tahani is full of nose boops. Lucky for everyone around her, those dropped off quickly. Also did I mention that heaven is full of Ted Baker-patterned dresses? Continue reading

Narcos Season 3 and its problem with women

Pedro Pascal Narcos

So I love Narcos, as a story it really spins me out that (almost) all of it happened. You could not get away with this in fiction because you would have that many people screaming at you about inprobability.

Narcos Season 3 ends where Season 2 starts with the Cali cartel taking over Pablo Escobar’s territory after his death. It’s a series that really details the difficulties of being a drug kingpin. It’s fudging stressful trying to manage errant family members, rival gangs, mediating trade routes while trying to evade the law. As with the first two seasons, I came out asking myself whether the money and power were worth it. You may have hippopotamuses and a pool on your ranch, but what good are they to you if a couple of years later, you and everyone you love are dead? Continue reading

Trailer thoughts: Gerald’s Game – Talking to yourself.

The problem with Stephen King’s work is that people keep trying to adapt it, and it’s just not that adaptable. If I put my finger on it, it’s not even a plot problem, it’s a dialogue problem. King can’t write dialogue and unless you have a very on point screenwriter, the “ayuhs”, “m-o-o-n spells moon”, “SSDD same shit different day” just sound goofy on screen. King can write the hell out of any character background but when they talk, goop comes out.

Which is why I have my expectations lowered for Gerald’s Game. Sorry Netflix, I think Carla Gugino is going to act the hell out of this but I don’t feel convinced. Also this entire scenario could have been avoided if they had just went for the cloth ties instead of handcuffs, because you never know when your husband is going to die on you during foreplay. And speaking of Stephen King adaptations lately, I tried getting through The Mist TV series and I’m maybe 20 minutes through episode 1. Does it get better?

Which queen reigns supreme?

The VMAs are coming up and so the pop queens of the world (and their PR companies) are dropping things left, right and centre. Let’s do a dive.

LADY GAGA:

A post shared by xoxo, Gaga (@ladygaga) on

I’m alone Brandon every night. And all these people will leave. Right? They will leave. And then I’ll be alone. And I go from everyone touching me all day, talking at me all day, to total silence.

Lady Gaga is set to release her new Netflix tour documentary and it looks to be in the vein of KP’s Part of Me, where they rip the bandaid open on how emotional draining it is to be a popstar.

It’s not hard to see why fame and adulation would go straight to your head. Imagine thousands of people chanting your name every night, making you feeling loved like a queen and then going online (or to a bar) to find people don’t like the way your face looks, or what you wore or who you’re dating. The highs and lows must be tremendous. Unless you’re incredibly well-balanced and/or you have an excellent support group, I can see why that could do things to you.

Lady Gaga to her credit, has always been incredibly upfront about her sexual assault, PTSD, eating disorders and depression. She seems to be the most emotionally fragile of all the pop stars. Especially after this, I want to give her several hugs and share a cheesecake with her.

KATY PERRY:

Speaking of Ms Perry, what in the world is this?

For whatever her faults, Katy nearly always gives us interesting music videos. (I have a special fondness for Roar) but between this, Bon Appetit and Chained to the Rhythm, Katy needs a new clip director. This is Space Jam with Katy Perry. It’s not a compliment. It’s actively terrible. I actually sort of like Swish Swish as a song, but if you’re going to release a video clip, the day before Tay releases her new single. You come at the queen, you best not miss.

TAYLOR SWIFT:

Wow. This took me a few listens and I still don’t know where I am with this. The beat is amazing and those lyrics are killer “Honey, I rose up from the dead. I do it all the time.” but that chorus is …flat? I had an expectation that it would spiral upwards to reflect rage. Apparently, it’s sampling “I’m too sexy” which is an exceptionally odd choice of song (and to be honest, I’m too sexy is not even a very good song to begin with.)

Some of it is, is adjusting to new Taylor (who is alive, she asserts) and is an entirely different thing to cookie-baking, cat-loving, country-singing Taylor. Look at the evolution from Mean to Shake it off to Look what you made me do – she’s Cersei-ing out right in front of our eyes. If you think about it, it’s quite sad that she no longer feels like sweet Taylor. I’m still on the fence as to whether the song is empowering or not. It might take me a few more listens.

CARLY RAE JEPSEN:

EW (and I) are adamant that is the song of summer (Sorry Despacito, go away). If you haven’t heard it yet, don’t deny your soul the lift. Do it. It’s the best.

What do you think? How’s your pop culture day going?

The fashion in Glow: There’s an 80s outfit for everyone

There are a lot of things to love about Glow on Netflix, but what I loved most of all was the authentic 80s outfits and hair. The costumes don’t look like something that a stylist pulled out of Topshop, it looks exactly like the clothes of my childhood. I spent a good amount of time as a kid trying to get Jenny’s exact hairstyle – a long high ponytail to the side with a hairsprayed looping fringe. Of course, it never quite happened because my hair was never long enough, but that was the dream. Now it looks faintly ridiculous, and I’m sure people would laugh and point if I attempted that today.

But let’s take a walk through the fashions of Glow, what we can look at repeating and what should go permanently to a burn pile.

Glow Alison Green Nancy Reagan Dress

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Okja review: Everyone overacts except the superpig

“A young girl named Mija risks everything to prevent a powerful, multi-national company from kidnapping her best friend — a massive superpig named Okja.”

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Possibly my expectations were too high for this, this movie was a mess. A mess of messaging, a mess of acting, a mess of storyline.

There are half a dozen movies crammed into two hours and it doesn’t know which one it wants to be, there’s a Spielbergian movie hiding in there somewhere with Mija and Okja, there’s some James Bond when 14 year old Mija morphs into an action-heroine – jumping onto trucks and whatever, and some chunk of corporate satire about meat and big business.

Everyone overacts in this thing, particularly Jake Gyllenhall and Tilda Swinton,  it’s like they were in different movies. Perhaps Jake just wanted to let loose from the constraints of ‘serious’ acting because I can’t explain his performance at all, other than to say I’m sure his high-pitched, free-wheeling role was an imitation of something, I just don’t know what.

There’s also some really bizarre side-plotting involving Tilda’s character and her twin Nancy, which could have been cut and not made a whit of difference to the development of anything.

The crux of this movie is that the audience should feel an investment between Okja and Mija’s relationship. Okja wants to save Mija’s life and Mija wants to save Okja’s life. My heart must be made of stone, because I felt nothing. If you feel more for the innocent bystanders being clonked over the head by the police, then there’s a fundamental disconnect happening. News.com.au would like to explain to you that there’s a possibility I’m a sociopath.

If I were to pick a positive point, the action was nicely done, as it is in all of Bong Joon Ho’s movies. If you want to see a superpig roll through a Daiso and destroy everything, this may be the movie for you.

But I can’t find it in my heart to recommend this movie to anyone, who would I sell this to? Not kids. Animal lovers maybe? Paul Dano fans?