The return of Kabloom

Katy Perry Orlando Bloom reunited

So now that Witness has sunk into the ocean (no-one can tell if it’s done well or not, none of the three singles have cracked the top 40 yet it debuted at number one on the Billboard charts. It’s also sold half the sales of Prism) Katy Perry is ramping up the visibility for her upcoming tour.

Last week, there was speculation that Katy and Rob Pattinson were together after they were seen out and about having dinner in LA. Katy and Rob have apparently been friends for ages and they’re both pushing products (movies/tour), so it’s mutually beneficial thing for them to be seen having a good time with each other. No-one really believed it but it made good headline.

This week however is a different story with the return of Kabloom. Katy was spotted in Orlando Bloom’s lap at an Ed Sheeran concert, nuzzling and getting it on. This is significant for two reasons:
a) This is a public announcement that she’s back together with Bloom. If they were looking to keep it quiet, they would not be caressing where everyone can see them.

b) I find it interesting that their reunion debut is at an Ed Sheeran concert, and not at Dave Chapelle’s Radio City gig. Ed Sheeran is one of Taylor Swift’s best friends, she helped launch his career, what is this if not a dig? I don’t believe this was a coincidence.

If they want to get back together, fine. It’s fine as long as I don’t have to see them paddle-boarding ever again.

UPDATE:

I completely wiped from my mind that this happened. Ugh. Was it that long ago?

Onions and bananas: Katy Perry and Chris Martin at Glastonbury

Katy Perry’s PR march of doom continues as Lorde’s Melodrama takes on Witness in hand-to-hand combat. You can guess who will win this one in the long game.

Katy Perry Glastonbury

So last night it came up on a news segment (THE NEWS!) that Katy was in Glastonbury, doing some sets and crowd surfing while she was at it. Fine. Whatever floats everyone’s boat. I was just relieved that it wasn’t another piece about her livestreaming event or another bit on how much she’s growing into the real Katy Perry.

This morning, the Sun (so please with some salt), is reporting that Katy Perry and Chris Martin were making out at Glastonbury. I can’t think of another combination that’s more vomit-inducing. Onions and bananas maybe? It was also reporting that Chris was making out with Dua Lipa the day previously, so  possibly he’s doing that festival thing where you get it on with inappropriate randos, just because you can.

If I can get over the bad taste in my mouth, I’m fairly sure that is this a cynical PR ploy to once again drum up more attention to Katy and Witness. Kissing him right in the middle of promoting a new album seems terribly convenient to me. You’ll get more press, I’m not sure you’ll get more sales.

Your weekly Katy Perry update

Katy Perry is on a PR rampage so wherever you go there she is, whether you like it or not. That’s fine, that’s the nature of marketing, make sure every last person sees or hears you, but man alive, I am over her. We’re on her “purposeful pop” phase and purposeful pop works if you back it up and you’re Joni Mitchell. Otherwise neither Chained to the Rhythm or Bon Appetit fits into whatever she’s trying to sell.

Katy Perry Swish PR

Anyway her marketing team has been hard at it this week:

  • She’s released her new set of shoes. They are hideous. The box is cute?
  • Carpool karaoke with James Corden:  I sat through all 9 minutes of this ( I want my 9 minutes back!) you don’t learn anything about her other than it’s again all about the Taylor feud and it’s eye-rollingly irritating. “She started it and it’s time for her to finish it.” That is the response of a sulky 15 year old.
    And then she goes on about how women should come together. Sigh. If I were to give her some benefit of the doubt, I would suggest that Corden’s team edited the video to make her look like a petulant harpy and that there were many things that she might have talked about positively (Hilary Clinton, world peace, gay rights?) that ended up on the cutting room floor. However, you would also think that her own team had some say in how it was put together and if her team vetted that, she needs new marketing people stat.
  • Released her new single ‘Swish’ with Nicki Minaj. I sense a running theme here. It’s going to be a loooooong PR train if you can’t find something else to talk about.
  • Signed onto to be a judge for the new American Idol on ABC. I guess that means another season for Katy PR? Please kill me.

Katy Perry’s new Bon Appetit video is half-baked

In a nutshell, Katy’s new video has her literally cooked, she’s floured, basted, boiled and covered in spices to be served on a platter to .. rich men and Migos? These chefs know nothing about cooking. You don’t boil meat after you flour it. Der. You deep fry.

Katy Perry Bon Appetit

I have no idea what the clip is trying to say, it’s a mess. It’s supposed to be some campy, pro-sexual, empowerment message that ends up with her on a pole. It just comes off gross and whoever thought up this concept needs to be fired (is it the same team that came up with that stupid Chained to the Rhythm Disneyland clip?). Sorry Katy, try again.

MET gala 2017: Coachella with bad gowns

I’m very cranky with MET gala 2017. I realise that the Kardashification of our culture means now more than ever, we will see people who are famous for not-doing-much and I AM making my peace with it.

Bella Hadid Met Gala 2017
That is more than I ever need to see of freaking Bella Hadid.

However given that apparently Anna Wintour cut people from MET gala 2017 to make it more exclusive (I’m sorry Coca, you are worth so much more), I expected the invite list to be so much better.

Of course, the expectation was that Beyoncé, Rihanna, SJP, and Madonna would all make an appearance as with previous years (this year: no, yes, no, yes.). But this year there was a lot of people-who-don’t-do-much – Hailey Baldwin, Sophia Richie, Rita Ora, Jaden Smith (holding his cut dreadlocks no less), Paris Jackson, and then an entire section of people who have no real association with fashion – Joe Jonas, Yolanda Hadid (wtf), Diplo, James Corden, Wiz Khalifa (!) the list goes on and on.

Everyone was terribly dressed (see above image) and no-one followed the theme at all except maybe Rihanna and Zendaya. So basically it was Coachella with bad gowns.

Kylie Jenner Instagram Bathroom Selfie MET gala

Why not invite people with interesting taste that love fashion, who might be able to interpret the themes. How about Cate Blanchett? How about Victoria Beckham? Nicole Kidman is almost always wearing something thought-provoking, she would have nailed the brief. In other words for the love of God, INVITE FASHION PEOPLE. Geez. I lay my crankiness squarely at your feet Katy Perry and Anna Wintour.

Coachella 2017 clothes watch

Prior warning: If you’re allergic to short shorts, you need to turn away now.

Anyway let’s check in with what everyone is wearing

Firstly, Kenny!

Kendall Jenner Coachella 2017

Our fave Kardashian-Jenner was at Coachella, and media outlets are being told to ix-it-nay on the Pepsi questions otherwise they’ll be persona non grata forever. You would think Kenny would put down the mikes anyway for a weekend if she knew what was good for her..

Also what’s good for her is that Kenny is getting sun smart. A wide brimmed hat, long sleeved shirt, high-waisted pants.. I can only assume that sequinned sleeve is super uncomfortable and itchy in the heat and will be thrown off later when there is actual dancing.

 

Hailee Steinfeld Coachella 2017

I like this outfit from Hailee. I’m digging the matching boots and lipstick. It’s not very Coachella, but the minimum requisite is short shorts right? And those shorts are short.

 

Selena Gomez Coachella 2017

Aw, Selena and the Weeknd. Does anyone else think this is going to last forever? No hands? Okay. I worry he has a musician’s temperament and she’s going to go off to marry some venture capitalist. Anyway let’s get a closer look at Selena’s dress. Continue reading

Whatcha wearing? Katy Perry on the cover of Vogue

This is my 2nd Katy post in a week so let’s assume she’s on a PR tear over the next few months.

Katy Perry Vogue Magazine 2017

Objectively speaking, she looks great. The blonde hair pops, the dress is relatable plus correct me if I’m wrong, but is this the first time there’s been a nose ring on an American Vogue cover? Viva la piercings.

Continue reading