The Carters on Instagram: Rollerskating and Friends

The Carters famously have their marital issues, resolved or unresolved we’ll never really know. But do you ever wonder if they’re somewhat competitive with each other? Here are two of the biggest stars in the world, doing what they do best. I don’t know what it’s like to have a spouse working in the same field, but I do know that sometimes my husband and I yell at each other over Scrabble. I can imagine that the Carter household is some therapy-inducing combination of constantly wanting to one-up the other while struggling with feelings of mixed pride and resentment.

So this just dropped:

 

The video for Moonlight is out on Tidal and it’s a showstopper of talent. Tessa Thompson! Issa Rae! Hannibal Buress! Alan Yang! People are talking about it because it takes on the Friends juggernaut (Yes Friends is undoubtedly a white show, but people take aim at it because it’s easy. How about Seinfeld? Everybody loves Raymond? Even my beloved Frasier?) Jay-Z is getting his moment in the sun.

Anyway while that is happening, Beyonce, who has nothing to promote, releases an Instagram video of her rollerskating. It may not mean anything at all, it’s possible she likes to rollerskate or it could be a pointed two fingers at a world who expects new mothers to stay at home. Who knows? But the timing is suspicious don’t you think? It swings the conversation back from Jay-Z to Beyonce and the post-baby body.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

 

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Rumi and Sir Carter are here to give you feelings

Sorry for the delay in posts everyone, I am actually in the US right now and the only gossip that’s filtering through is Ben Affleck and his new girlfriend (mmm), Julianne Hough got married in Idaho (mmmm) and that Brad Pitt is dating Sienna Miller (mmmmm). 

However, you can count on the Carter family to make headlines, they hate it more than anyone when people are talking Kardashians, and the K-Klan are back to their old scandalous ways (Kim and her candy, Rob being Rob, the Jenner sisters stepping in it constantly).

So presenting to you, Rumi and Sir Carter.


I don’t even know where to look first. Beyoncé looks amazing a month after giving birth. She’s giving off 2017 Virgin Mary vibes (note the lack of father in publication.) The Virgin Mary loves her tie dyed silk robe. There’s some filter work happening but we won’t talk about that. Rumi and Sir look.. wrinkly. Also angry that they’ve been released from the golden birth canal so soon. Those babies don’t want to take photos, they look like they want to go back to sleep. Get used to those cameras kiddos.

 

Jay Z, Kardashian revenge porn and long-standing grudges

Last week 4:44 dropped and Jay Z had a good week. There were a million think pieces about the album as a response to Lemonade (he is forgiven!) and everybody got back on Tidal to have a listen. Everything is cloud nine in the life of Jay Z, it appears.

Jay Z Kardashians

But then, the Kardashians came around to wipe him from the headlines, it didn’t take that long. Historically, it’s always seemed like Jay and Bey have a particular aversion to the K-squad. Jay wasn’t there for the Kimye wedding, Kanye has said that North and Blue have never played together (WHY) and every six months or so, some press comes out about how Beyonce thinks Kim is tacky. It could be that it’s all a fake-out and that they have super secret picnics together in Delaware every July, but I doubt it.

So this morning, Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna had it out on Twitter/Instagram again. The last time they had a public spat, everyone was fairly sure that it was to promote their new reality TV show (Kris Jenner, momager of the decade) and it sank beneath the ocean with our short attention spans. This time, Rob has come out to say that Blac was using him for money the entire time (surprise!), she cheated on him their entire marriage (surprise?), and that she had had a threesome with T.I. and Tiny. He also posted her nudes, so if you’re on Instagram and you follow them, there should be some Blac Chyna vagina in your feed. Also nipples, I think, I’m not actively looking for them. It’s trending #1 on Twitter right now.

If you were Jay Z, and you spent years putting together this album. A confessional album that bares your soul, asks forgiveness from your wife, your audience, from all the people that you’ve wronged over the years – would you be cool with the Kardashians upstaging you over a social media fight? Wouldn’t this be another notch in your belt as to how much you dislike these people already? 4:44 went platinum in less than a week, and everyone is more focused on tweets, possible jail times and Arthur George socks. Jay Z likes to hold his grudges, he may not get over this one in a hurry.

Welcome Carter twins: Sir and Rumi!

Beyonce Rumi Sir Carter
Reports are out from TMZ and Eonline, that there are confirmed names for the Carter Twins: Sir and Rumi. Apparently this was dug up by TMZ who scooped papers filed at the patent office. TMZ is just casually hanging around patent offices to see if they can find the names of the anointed ones. Anyway.

If it’s true – the twins are called Sir and Rumi. Those are cute names. While I was originally unsure about Sir, it’s growing on me. When you call someone Sir, you’re immediately designating respect for them, and that’s probably paramount for Bey and Jay in bringing up a young black man in today’s world.

Sir also fits in the current trend of celebrity boy names. You have Saint West, Sir Carter, Titan Witherspoon and King Stevenson, all in the same social circles. If your parents call you Titan, it goes without saying they want big things for you, it’s a lot of expectation from the start.

Rumi, however is likely to be taken from the Persian, Muslim poet, and it’s a very sweet name. However, Rumi the poet is a guy, but it’s not out of the way to take male names and reappropriate them as female (I’m looking at you Blake Lively). Hopefully I have not bunged this up by assuming Sir is the boy and Rumi is the girl.

Unless we were wrong in assumptions about the genders and they are both boys??

Beyonce’s Die with you and the state of her marriage

I am a sucker for the sentimental, but I am not a sucker for this. Don’t kill me Beyhive.

Beyonce JayZ Marriage

Our beloved Queen Bey has dropped a music video to celebrate her 9th wedding anniversary with Jay-Z – well technically it’s from 2015 and she’s rereleased it with new footage.

So you can see them dating, treating each other delightfully, on holidays, their wedding, the birth of Blue Ivy and some very sweet home videos, all set to Beyonce’s beautiful voice and filtered to some Wonder Years graininess.

This would ordinarily be a great formula to absolutely destroy the coldest of hearts (see Kim K’s family video) except, except I and the rest of the world spent a good chunk of last year listening to Lemonade and without having to even look it up, I know that Lemonade is 76 minutes long.  That’s 76 minutes of B bleeding out from her husband’s infidelities X countless listens. I don’t think I can overstate how powerful Lemonade is as an album. The 3:36m of this video can’t even possibly to begin to repair the idea that their marriage is strong and that they are ride or die soulmates.

The Queen is a master of her image, but she hasn’t sold me on this one. It looks like she’s resetting the stage for a picture-perfect family for the arrival of the twins. You can’t reset the stage when you’ve completely burned down the theater..