We are on the fifth (fifth!) Jurassic Park movie and I do believe that I was the only person in the world who didn’t think Jurassic World with Chris Pratt was a waste. I get it. I am still annoyed that they made Bryce Dallas Howard run in heels everywhere, but ultimately I believe it worked as a popcorn flick. I wasn’t expecting Rashomon. Plus for all the complaining, it still made enough money for a sequel.
And so some marketing executive sat in an office and had a think about what the magic ingredients for a movie-turnaround would be. Apparently it’s Chris Pratt and baby Velociraptor. Not BDH hurling her stilettos at a T-Rex.
If I look at this askance, it’s because currently Chris Pratt has slid down to fourth best Chris (Chris Hemsworth taking the lead with Thor) and because the movie studios have spent FOUR movies drilling into us how terrifying velociraptors are. FOUR. That thing isn’t cute because it’s a baby! That thing will tear your face off and use it as a skin mask. The studio is trying to break down established foundations by retconning a man-killing dinosaur as an adorable corgi that makes gurgly lizard noises. Is that working for you? It’s not working for me.