Mariah Carey’s effort

A long time ago, I read an article with Mandy Moore where she was talking about the long hours of being a teenage pop star. She would be awake for so long that she would sleep standing in rehearsals.

In that continued vein, Beyonce mentioned in her documentary Life is but a Dream that she would practice dancing in her heels til her feet were bleeding. Bleeding. Blood in shoes. That’s why Beyonce is one of the greatest of all time.

Which brings me to Mariah, on stage in front of a live audience:

I don’t know whether this is supposed to be admirable or ridiculous. On the one hand, I feel ya Mariah – who wants to dance til their feet bleed? Plus there are at least half a dozen handsome sailors to do the work for you. On the other, it’s clear that Mariah doesn’t care anymore (you say diva, I say eyeroll) so why should anyone shell out the money to go see her if she can’t even make an effort to shimmy.

Kendall Jenner and the problem with tipping

Sometimes Kendall Jenner must just wake up in the morning, and despite being gorgeous, wealthy and famous, just hate being Kendall Jenner.

Because frankly, it must seem like people are gunning for her all the time. I mean, you think you try to do everything right and then a bar publicly shames you for not tipping.

Kendall Jenner receipt

Apparently Kenny went to Baby’s All Right in Brooklyn, paid for $24 worth of drinks and didn’t tip. So the bar decided to post the receipt on Instagram. For the official record, this is a dick move by the bar to capitalise on large-scale Jenndashian hate. Eh guys, I hope this was worth the 50 extra followers or whatever.

Secondly, no-one actually knows whether Kenny actually left a cash tip, if it was an oversight (y’know alcohol?) or whether she decided the server was sh!t and didn’t deserve one. Continue reading

The Carters on Instagram: Rollerskating and Friends

The Carters famously have their marital issues, resolved or unresolved we’ll never really know. But do you ever wonder if they’re somewhat competitive with each other? Here are two of the biggest stars in the world, doing what they do best. I don’t know what it’s like to have a spouse working in the same field, but I do know that sometimes my husband and I yell at each other over Scrabble. I can imagine that the Carter household is some therapy-inducing combination of constantly wanting to one-up the other while struggling with feelings of mixed pride and resentment.

So this just dropped:

 

The video for Moonlight is out on Tidal and it’s a showstopper of talent. Tessa Thompson! Issa Rae! Hannibal Buress! Alan Yang! People are talking about it because it takes on the Friends juggernaut (Yes Friends is undoubtedly a white show, but people take aim at it because it’s easy. How about Seinfeld? Everybody loves Raymond? Even my beloved Frasier?) Jay-Z is getting his moment in the sun.

Anyway while that is happening, Beyonce, who has nothing to promote, releases an Instagram video of her rollerskating. It may not mean anything at all, it’s possible she likes to rollerskate or it could be a pointed two fingers at a world who expects new mothers to stay at home. Who knows? But the timing is suspicious don’t you think? It swings the conversation back from Jay-Z to Beyonce and the post-baby body.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

 

Some thoughts on tattoo placement. I sigh.

I don’t know why, but there is a Macaulay Culkin renaissance happening right now. He is suddenly everywhere, maybe he got a new PR person? Yesterday I was scrolling through and there he is with Paris Jackson, getting matching tattoos.

Paris Jackson Macaulay Culkin Spoons

By itself, it’s kind of cute. They’re a pair of spoons. Someone mentioned there’s a possibility it’s related to spoon theory, but as far as I know neither Paris nor Mac have a chronic illness? Compliments aside, I hate, hate, hate the tattoo placement on Paris. It’s her body and she can do whatever she wants with it but it’s so incoherently placed that I don’t understand it. Is John Lennon more important than Dad? She does know that John Lennon used to beat Cynthia up right? Continue reading

In defense of Lena Dunham in the Lamby dog shelter debacle

If there’s one celebrity in the world that I want to give a condolence shoulder pat, it’s Lena Dunham. She just can’t say anything or do anything right by the internet at large. I am not the biggest Girls fan in the world, but I recognise a constant internet pile-on when I see one.

Lena Dunham Lamby

So a few years ago, Lena adopted a dog called Lamby from a shelter (documented in this essay here) and Lamby has from the start had behavioural problems. Mainly he bites and he’s aggressive.

Cut to 2017 and Lena has taken Lamby back to the shelter because she can’t deal with his behavioural issues, and it’s turned into a brouhaha. It’s an actual thing.

The shelter (!) has come out to say that Lena is a liar (they dispute that he was abused), that Lamby wasn’t crazy to begin with and Lena made him crazy. That is a big call.

Lena has written to defend herself, Jack Antonoff weighed in and so has her dog trainer.

Also apparently Lena also has two new dogs, which adds a sh!tload more fuel to the fire. People who are anti-Lena are going to use this as an example of her narcissism and consumerist nature. Look at that big-mouthed, entitled, white lady who treats dogs like handbags! It’s a perfect social media storm of a cute dog and a celebrity that people love to hate.

Allow me to step in here and defend Lena for a bit (is anyone else? Just me? Okay.) and give a very large side-eye to the shelter. While I’m sure that the shelter is doing and continues to do wonderful things for rescued pets, why they’ve commented is beyond me. As a no-kill shelter, their objective is to rehome as many pets as possible and to encourage people to house their pets in the best possible environments. Publicly shaming Lena Dunham for taking Lamby back to the shelter is contradictory and at worst, irresponsible to their core message. Lena couldn’t handle Lamby, so she brought him back to find an owner that might possibly be more suitable for him – why would they trash that? Would they rather she have tossed him in a sack into the Brooklyn river or let him go free on 42nd? She did the right thing, she took him back to the shelter. Ugh.

Also in addition to sending the public extremely mixed messages about pet shelters, I am highly doubtful that BARC remember Lamby from the 1000s of other dogs that have taken residence in there for the last four years. Possibly if Lamby was extremely distinctive, say a pink, polka-dotted chihuahua, I would be more convinced, but he just looks like every other dog! Scroll back up and look at him!

To me, it looks the shelter wanted to give Lena a public slap for bad ownership. It has no basis in fact and it makes me shitty.

By the way, Lamby is doing just fine and was adopted by an owner in California. So you know, everyone comes out okay in the end until the next time Lena says something that puts her foot in it, we’ll give it a few months.

Jay Z, Kardashian revenge porn and long-standing grudges

Last week 4:44 dropped and Jay Z had a good week. There were a million think pieces about the album as a response to Lemonade (he is forgiven!) and everybody got back on Tidal to have a listen. Everything is cloud nine in the life of Jay Z, it appears.

Jay Z Kardashians

But then, the Kardashians came around to wipe him from the headlines, it didn’t take that long. Historically, it’s always seemed like Jay and Bey have a particular aversion to the K-squad. Jay wasn’t there for the Kimye wedding, Kanye has said that North and Blue have never played together (WHY) and every six months or so, some press comes out about how Beyonce thinks Kim is tacky. It could be that it’s all a fake-out and that they have super secret picnics together in Delaware every July, but I doubt it.

So this morning, Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna had it out on Twitter/Instagram again. The last time they had a public spat, everyone was fairly sure that it was to promote their new reality TV show (Kris Jenner, momager of the decade) and it sank beneath the ocean with our short attention spans. This time, Rob has come out to say that Blac was using him for money the entire time (surprise!), she cheated on him their entire marriage (surprise?), and that she had had a threesome with T.I. and Tiny. He also posted her nudes, so if you’re on Instagram and you follow them, there should be some Blac Chyna vagina in your feed. Also nipples, I think, I’m not actively looking for them. It’s trending #1 on Twitter right now.

If you were Jay Z, and you spent years putting together this album. A confessional album that bares your soul, asks forgiveness from your wife, your audience, from all the people that you’ve wronged over the years – would you be cool with the Kardashians upstaging you over a social media fight? Wouldn’t this be another notch in your belt as to how much you dislike these people already? 4:44 went platinum in less than a week, and everyone is more focused on tweets, possible jail times and Arthur George socks. Jay Z likes to hold his grudges, he may not get over this one in a hurry.

My hero Raury and the Dolce & Gabbana protest

Raury Protest Dolce and Gabbana

In news that shocks nobody, Miley and Dolce & Gabbana (well more correctly Gabbana) have been fighting over Instagram in what could be the lamest fight ever. Miley being Miley, passive-aggressively dug at D&G about not supporting their politics and Gabbana responded with “We don’t care about politics! Two fingers!”

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This coincides of course, with D&G releasing their “Boycott Dolce & Gabbana” t-shirts, which is an apparent dig at anti-Trump followers and protesters who are sh!tty at the fashionhouse for dressing Melania. It’s a $245USD shirt so I guess D&G thought it would be funny to go with the “Let them eat cake” philosophy.   Continue reading