I’m back from hiatus! I swear I’ll never leave you again. While I’ve been gone, this phrase started to float past me on various sites: BEC. BEC stands for Bitch Eating Crackers, it’s someone who annoys you no matter what they do, even if they’re just nibbling on a wafer, hence BEC. It doesn’t have to be rational.
Do you know who my BEC is? Angelina Jolie. And she’s in the press again with her new Vanity Fair profile. You know how the piece goes without reading it, she’s the ultimate mother™ , who pretty much only comes out of the woodwork to promote her new passion project – whether it be In the Land of Blood and Honey or Unbroken or this new Cambodian piece on Netflix. Blah, blah, blah, it goes into her history with the Billy Bob blood vial, her kiss with her brother, her estranged relationship with her father and my eyes closed involuntarily out of boredom. There hasn’t been a single profile of her in the last ten years that hasn’t mentioned these factoids infinitum. One day I hope to read that she’s joined a chess club or something.
And nothing annoys me more, then when Ange plays the martyr-victim. There’s a quote in the article where’s she asked about the impact of the divorce on the kids:
“And yet it seems she wants to get her point across, which calls for a careful choice of words, something of a high-wire act. “They’ve been very brave. They were very brave.”
“In times they needed to be.” Other statements are similarly cryptic. “We’re all just healing from the events that led to the filing . . . They’re not healing from divorce. They’re healing from some . . . from life, from things in life.”
Angelina is a put-upon wife, like I’m Blackbeard the scourge of the high seas. Don’t cast aspersions and manipulate, just come out and say what you mean. How about that?
And while there’s nothing wrong with making movies you believe in (hey Al Gore!) but her movies are all abominable, she can’t act and she certainly can’t direct. So. I’m looking at her filmography and there’s not a single good movie in there. 0/47. Those are some shitty odds.
So there you go, Angelina is my BEC. Thinking about her simultaneously irritates me and puts me to sleep. Who’s your BEC?