4th of July is Taylor’s holiday. Every year on the 4th of July, gossip columnists from all over the world sit in front of the computer, refreshing T.S’ Instagram feed to get the first pics of Tay, Karlie and Cara in American flag bikinis, sliding down water slides. I know that sounds absurd, but this is how they do in 2017.
This year, you could almost hear the sad clown noise reverberating around the world as nothing happened. Whomp whomp. The fans and the paparazzi sat outside her place in Rhode Island, they could see the slide go up (it’s a big slide) and then silence.
Most of the squad seem to be overseas or not around, regardless. There are several possibilities for its absence in our lives this year – one is that the slide went up as a middle finger to the paps to make them wait around and waste their holiday (that’s my Tay), the second is that there was a party, it was cancelled and Tay is wandering around the place like Miss Havisham with a plate of cookies, the third is that it’s all an elaborate set-up and everyone is secretly having #Taymerica in a bunker in Louisiana.
Maybe no-one’s in a celebrating mood right now, with the exception of Debra Messing. Debra Messing will still celebrate with you!